“We’ll respond proportionately in a space, time and manner that we choose,” warned Obama, racing through his armory, searching for a weapon capable of kidnapping North Korea’s chubby kid and placing him in Angelina Jolie’s foster care. But of course, Obama’s cache is running low. Everyone’s is. Putin’s reserves continued their inexorable decline, oil extended its slide, the Ruble plunged. So Vladimir pulled out the w

“Even in the worst of times, we’re always Americans,” said John McCain, rubbing his war wounds. “We’re different, stronger, and better than those who would destroy us,” continued the Senator, rising above pathetic partisan politics, reliving his torturous pain. And he’s both right and wrong. Because we’re no different, no stronger, no better. We’re human; all the same. With one exception. You see, our painfully coura

“My wife’s girlfriends drove me absolutely crazy,” he admitted. “Dinner parties were the worst; they’d sip away, bragging about their favorite companies, their 60% gains.” They owned two stocks. Her girlfriends who believed in diversification owned three. “Then they’d ask me how much I was up?” Explaining that he was grinding out high single digits hit conversation like a wet fart. “Those were the years that humiliat

Hope all goes well… “The final 15-minutes on Thursday was crazier than October,” said Roadrunner, the market’s biggest volatility trader. “Option buyers paid any price.” The vol of vol index (what people pay for VIX options) finished at 141; a wk ago it traded 70. In Oct with the S&P 500 at 1815 it topped at 138. “Perhaps a fund or two are blowing up, or the real S&P move hasn’t happened yet.” But either way,

Hope all goes well… “Chinese A-Shares rallied 22% in 10-days,” he said, atop NYC. As we discussed investor behavior, cultural differences, psychology. Sharing ideas about the year ahead. “There’s more trading in A-Share futures than the S&P 500.” Chinese index volume exploded in recent weeks. “These guys respond instantaneously.” There are no more eager gamblers than Beijing boys. “The Topix has doubled in 2yrs,

“So why are you here, what do you want?” he asked, smiling. I’d arrived early. Having reread his many publications, armed with today’s most interesting questions, hoping he’d challenge my answers. “I want nothing,” I replied. Which was partly true; I didn’t want what most people want. “Well then tell me what your firm does, I’m curious, I only know your writing.” I explained our business, shared my ambitions. “So how

“I’m half-way to achieving our goals,” announced Abe. As Moody’s cut Japan’s credit rating to A1. Citing the difficulty in simultaneously reducing fiscal deficits while fueling growth. Which is the global economy’s first circular reference. Because you can have one or the other, but not both. Unless you devalue your currency and monetize your debt. The Yen fell another 2.4%. 10yr JGB yields fell 1bp to 0.41%. The Nik

Hope all goes well… “Worst race in the world,” answered Osama bin Charlie, disgusted. Jackson took #2 Boy; beaten in the home stretch by some guy named Mack, who having never won much of anything in 45yrs, wasn’t about to let a 12yr old take the Turkey Trophy. Olivia took #2 Girl; three paces behind some hyper-caffeinated Lululemon. Teddy sized up the sorry competition, and tucked himself comfortably within the Top-2

Week-in-Review: Mon: China’s Friday surprise rate cut lifts Asian equities, German Nov IFO +1.5 to 104.7, Weidmann sees high legal hurdle for sovereign bond-buying, Coeure “ECB unanimous on doing more if extra stimulus needed,” Dallas Fed index unch, US defense secretary Hagel to step down, Grand Jury declines to indict Ferguson cop, S&P +0.3%; Tue: Chinese stocks 3yr highs, Kuroda “imperative to restore confiden

“Out with the bold, in with the few!” exclaimed the global head of strategy for America’s mightiest too-big-to-fail affair. “I liked the way that title sounded, but it had one annoying weakness; it meant nothing.” It’s that time of the year again. When Wall Street’s mystics dust off their balls, peer into that polished plastic, and publish prophesies. Just as long as their prognostications don’t offend the sens