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“City Hall looks odd, no?” grunted the Russian commando to some other thug. You see, he and his closest comrades, poorly disguised as freedom-fighting locals, stormed the Kharkiv opera house, mistaking it for City Hall. They’re not the only ones confused. “New Russia – Kharkiv, Lugansk, Donetsk, Odessa – were not part of Ukraine in czarist times, they were transferred in 1920. Why? God knows,” exclaimed P

“It’s so much nonsense that I can’t believe anybody really believes it,” announced Cheniere Energy’s CEO. And of course, he’s right. Everything’s nonsense. In Cheniere’s case, the CEO responded to claims that US natural gas will loosen Putin’s tightening grip on Europe. Cheniere’s Louisiana LNG terminal will export its first cargo in late 2015. It’ll ship 2.2bln cubic feet/day (Europe consumes 40-50bln). Anyhow, havi

“I didn’t really think Tesla would be successful,” confessed Elon Musk on 60 Minutes, “but if something’s important enough, you should try, even if the probable outcome is failure.” Like most great entrepreneurs, Elon’s better at defying odds than handicapping them; Tesla now worth $26bln. His company SpaceX is still private, worth $6bln, perhaps much more. Traders are handicappers, and recalling Eike Batista’s infam

Week-in-Review: Mon: Chinese PMI 48.1 (8mth low), Hamada hints at more BOJ easing, PMI’s; EU 53.2 (2mth low), German 53.8 (4mth low), France 51.9 (3yr high), Fed’s Williams “neutral FF rate fell sharply in recent yrs – approx 0% in 2013,” Russia kicked out of G8, S&P -0.5%; Tue: Egyptian court sentences 529 Brotherhoods to death, NSA spies on China’s Huawei Corp, Weidmann “negative rates more appropriate to curb

“This is huge, as big as it gets,” said the brilliant scientist. It is indeed. You see, we’ve discovered a signal from the universe when it was just a trillionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a second old; back 13.8bln years ago, when a mysterious atom-sized point of energy went Big Bang! This primordial signal confirms the theory of cosmic inflation. Which we now know is woven into our very fabric, and means th

Bleep… Bleep… Bleep… Technicians tracked the secret course. It landed softly, quietly, at an undisclosed location, on Kazakhstan’s desolate steppes. Military trucks raced to the snowy scene. Gently lifted the brave crew from the craft; two Russians, one American. They’d returned after 166 isolated days of working together, in mankind’s noble symbol of cooperation, exploration, progress; the International Space Statio

Week-in-Review: Mon: China Feb PMI 50.2 (HSBC PMI 48.5 – 7mth low), NK launches 2 rockets into sea, Russian stocks -10% (CBR hikes 150bps to 7%), US Jan personal income +0.3% (+3.6% yoy), personal spending +0.4% (+3.5% yoy), PCE prices +1.2% yoy (core +1.1%), Feb ISM manu +1.9 to 53.2, Jan construction spending +0.1% (+9.3% yoy, 22% below 2006 highs), Feb vehicle sales +0.7% (+15.5% yoy), S&P -0.7%; Tue: PBOC Zho

“Hello, my name is Xi,” started Jinping. And the room replied in harmony, “Hello Xi.” He went first, because having the largest population, Xi naturally has the biggest problems. “And my greatest challenge is pollution in Beijing,” admitted China’s President, coughing, cornered. For the only thing more dangerous than too much Mandarin pollution, is not enough; heaven forbid Chinese smokestacks slow, the smog clears.

“WhatsApp,” hissed Vladimir into his iPhone. And Yanukovych made yet another horrible decision, feigning ignorance, answering lightheartedly, “Not much muchacho, whassup with you?” Putin went silent, in utter disgust, torturing his stooge. And unable to stomach the pregnant pause any longer, Yanukovych broke the silence, “Vladimir, did I lose you comrade, can you hear me?” The former KGB agent answered slowly, growli

“I’m stoked,” mumbled Janet, drifting into a daydream… “Still can’t believe it happened,” she shrieked, paparazzi shutters whirring as she winked. “We did it America!” You see, the silver fox won Ski Slopestyle Gold. “It’s the kind of thing you don’t even dare dream about,” continued the Chairwoman. Of course, every new Fed Chair is cursed with a gnarly crisis. Volcker caught a totally wack edge with Ayatollah’s Revo