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Overall: “The end result was that levels came down and down and down and we’ve seen levels lower now than we have ever seen before,” stammered the scientist, excited like a child, quite obviously not referring to global temperatures, carbon emissions, sea levels, or mass extinctions. Nor was he talking about implied volatility. Though he could’ve been. Because volatility is collapsing, despite so many things happenin

Overall: “Some people blindly invested offshore and were in a rush to do so,” explained China’s central bank chief, justifying his recent capital controls. “Some of this outbound investment was not in line with our own policies and had no real gain for China.” No doubt he’s right. The tycoons fleeing Chinese capital markets have done so selfishly. “So to regulate capital flows, I think it is normal,” concluded the ce

Overall: “Fly me to the moon… OK,” tweeted Elon Musk, an American original, an immigrant. “This should be a really exciting mission that hopefully gets the world really excited about sending people into deep space again,” said Musk, announcing plans to send the world’s first two private citizens on a journey they’ll never forget. Nor will we. Because it’s the breaking of boundaries that propel us forward. Inspi

Overall: “The media has not reported that the National Debt in my first month went down by $12 billion vs a $200 billion increase in Obama first month,” tweeted our president, his latest work of high art. The ability to express concise complexity is a sublime talent. Of course, Hemmingway rises above all others, and wrote a great American novel in 27-characters – “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” But Trump’s

Week-in-Review (expressed in YoY terms): Mon: Chinese iron ore and copper prices jump 7%, Japan GDP -0.3 to +1.0%, India CPI 3.17% (5yr low), Macron says Russia is hacking his campaign, German wholesale inflation 4.0% (6yr high), OPEC cuts Jan oil output 1.1mm barrels, EIA says US oil production to jump 80k barrels in March, Mnuchin confirmed as Treasury Secretary, S&P +0.5%; Tue: China PPI +6.9% (5yr highs), Chi

Overall: “More than absurd!” cried Jens Weidmann, outraged by Pete Navarro. Trump’s trade advisor had deliberately talked-down the dollar to boost US exports by accusing Germany of deliberately weakening the euro to boost European exports. The argument is quite obviously absurd, because everyone’s trying to engineer a weaker currency. But according to Jens, it’s so absurd as to be more than absurd. Like lifting yours

Overall: My story-telling couldn’t match The Donald’s this week. So here’s Trump’s unadulterated Mon-Fri twitter narrative: “Only 109 people out of 325,000 were detained and held for questioning. Big problems at airports were caused by Delta computer outage, protesters and the tears of Senator Schumer. Secretary Kelly said that all is going well with very few problems. MAKE AMERICA SAFE AGAIN! Statement Regarding Rec

Overall: “Complete garbage,” cried the professor from Edinburgh University. “I’m appalled by what’s being published in Science,” he continued. You see, some Ivy League nerd claims to have created a miraculous super-conducting material. “It’s the first time solid metallic hydrogen has existed on Earth,” boasted the pioneering Harvard scientist. He’d inserted hydrogen atoms into a synthetic diamond anvil at a pressure

Overall: “Protests Are Patriotic And Pussies Are Private,” read the placard. “Stop Tweeting Hate,” declared another. And here are a few of the remaining tens of thousands: “Progression Not Regression. You Can’t Take My Rights, I’m Using Them. This Pussy Grabs Back. My Wife is a Muslim, Not a Terrorist, But I’m Scared of Her Anyway. Strong Women: Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them. Silence Equals Violence. We Are The Majo

Overall: “The Central Intelligence Agency will absolutely not resume using banned interrogation techniques, such as waterboarding, if ordered to do so by President Trump,” explained Mike Pompeo, The Donald’s already-insubordinate nominee for CIA chief. But it’s only insubordination if our new Commander-in-Chief were to send those bearded-boys to the water-board. To get elected he said “torture works,” America should