trading recap

Some pudgy Korean kid killed his uncle. Volcker’s 953-page rule killed Wall Street’s remaining three or four prop traders. Europeans finally agreed how to kill dying banks. Bangladeshi’s killed an Islamist opposition leader for killing Bangladeshi’s. America’s government sold the last of its General Motors shares, killing discredited critics. And ascendant General Motors killed off its Dutch-disease riddled Australia

“The US will end too-big-to-fail,” announced Jack Lew, Treasury Secretary for earth’s biggest economy. You see, America’s 5 biggest banks got 37% bigger since 2008. They make 42% of all loans. The biggest six hold 67% of the $14.4trln banking system’s assets. One big bank holds just $113bln of assets against $43,000bln in outstanding derivatives. Anyhow, earth’s 2nd biggest economy lifted the IPO ban in place since O

Week-in-Review: Mon: Iran nuclear accord, Japan rejects China Sea defense-zone, S&P “1/3 chance of Japan downgrade within 2yrs,” US pending home sales contract 5th mth, S&P -0.1%; Tue: US B52’s cross China defense-zone, BOJ minutes “downside risks to outlook,” Italian consumer confidence improves, Spain budget deficit widens (mortgage approvals/lending contract yoy), Carney “UK picking up sharply,” US home pe

“Open Sesame,” commanded Ali Baba; The Den of Thieves magically opened, revealing a treasure trove. Like all great tales, this one’s been told in every language. Anyhow, Alibaba broke its own 24-hr record by 80%, registering $5.75bln of online sales. You see, it was Chinese Valentines Day, and in a nation of frisky fellas with too few females, nothing says Open Sesame like a cheap tchotchke. Alibaba’s IPO arrives in

Europe’s brightest economic PhD’s gathered in Frankfurt to discuss policy-induced deflation. After much erudite deliberation, and self-congratulation, they boldly slashed interest rates by 25bps to 0.25% — hoping to spur inflation. Investment bank PhD’s re-ran models. Recalibrated forecasts. Stocks yawned. In America, Wilcox and English, two brilliant Federal Reserve PhD’s, provided intellectual cover to mainta

“We laugh at the very things that hurt us,” said the International Clown Convention’s leader. Yeah, the world’s 500 most distinguished jokers gathered in Mexico City, publicly condemning the clown-clad assassin who recently popped Francisco Felix, a notorious drug trafficker. The clown conclave “broke into a spontaneous 15-minute laugh-a-thon,” and having cleared their collective conscience, moved on to o

Merkel went mental. Can you blame her? She grew up East of the Iron Curtain, under the loving stare of the Stasi. Of course, if you’d believe a community organizer from Chicago’s suburbs can outfox Angie, well, I got an Obamacare.com login to sell you. Nope, Merkel’s turning purple over the fact that Snowden sprung another leak, and now that our spying policy is clear for all to see, she can’t reliably send misinform

We’re saved! So Americans got back to work. While DC indulged itself in idiocy. According to statistically-insignificant partisan-sponsored samplings of eligible voters, all sorts of contradictory outcomes unfolded. Transgender Latino single-mothers of Irish descent – responding to pollsters while waiting for Obamacare’s website to reboot – expressed an overwhelmingly favorable impression of the President

“The American people should realize that their politicians play with their destinies as well as the destinies of other oppressed nations for the sake of their personal vested interests,” announced the Taliban. Which finally gave Democrats and Republicans something to agree on. What’s that? Well, the only thing more humiliating than Putin mediating our international disputes, is a lip lashing from self-rig